


Putridus

by caerozades



Category: Haikyuu!!, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Muggle/Wizard Relations, Slow Burn, Wizards, mostly angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:21:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29950587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caerozades/pseuds/caerozades
Summary: “Do you ever wonder how our lives would turn out if we never met?”“If given a chance to go back, will you warn yourself from me? From this?”When did it all start?Where did it all start to rot?
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	Putridus

Sadness brings out the worst of some people. It is a strong emotion that envelopes those who are drowning with a dark cloud full of negative emotions. 

Grief.

Loneliness.

Regret.

No one wanted to be the villain of the story but sometimes, when the world seems to favor others, one could think of doing something so horrendous in order to cope with the empty feeling brought by the series of trauma they have had in the past.

In Atsumu's case, he created a world he could never take back.

A world where there is a version of himself that he dreamt with someone he loved.

Loved.

If someone's going to tell him that he would be capable of doing such a thing five years ago, Atsumu would laugh it off.

_ "I may be powerful, a capable wizard and a well-praised writer, but I will never make something so real it could be compared with the reality we have right now." _

If only he had the mental stability he used to have.

If only he could grasp at the tiniest thread of hope.

If only...

Atsumu stared blankly at the wall adjacent to him. With solitude of almost 2 years, the blank wall became his companion. A blank canvas that gave him the ability to draw his own story. He must be crazy because every time he stares at the wall, he could see pictures. 

Moments.

Memories that he pushed at the back of his mind. 

With two years of solitude, he became dependent on the memories he made with the people who used to stand beside him. It was the only thing that can make him remember who he used to be because the Atsumu of the present is different from the one the public used to adore.

And loathed.

He blinked. And blinked. And blinked.

And looked at the wall once more. There, he saw an image of a guy. A young man with sharp facial features that was amplified by the jet black curly hair he sported. Atsumu felt like he knew the person; he felt like the name was almost at the back of his tongue but he couldn't remember it, so he averted his eyes to the two moles resting on top of the young man's right eyebrow.

Atsumu held up his hand, raising it up towards the moles of the young man. Although it was nothing but pure hallucination, something tells him that those moles were familiar.

A memoir of someone so important.

"Who are you?" He whispered, voice hoarse from a long time of not using it. When someone is left with nothing but themselves, talking becomes unnecessary.

"Atsumu?"

He looked at the doorway and watched as a young man entered his room. The man looks like him: hooded eyes, thick eyebrows, well-defined facial features. The only difference is the hair since the stranger had dark brown hair that is flipped on the left side.

Atsumu's hair is longer; the blonde grew out and it gave him the appearance of a man with ombré hair. Greasy. Messy. Different.

He watched as the man placed a tray of food by the bed. 

"Mama mentioned that you don't have an appetite so I made your favorite: fatty tuna… maybe this could help," he smiled as he stepped back, waiting for Atsumu to reach for the tray.

He didn't.

Atsumu just stared.

Then he averted his gaze back at the wall.

He heard the other man sigh, "I know that these past few years had been terrible to you," Atsumu stared back at the man. The latter gulped as he sat beside the blonde carefully. "The war brought nothing but endless versions of negativity for everyone and I... I never expected that it would affect you this- this much-" he reached to touch Atsumu's hand.

Atsumu flinched back. Fear written in his face.

Osamu froze. 

Atsumu studied the man. He knew this person was his family. His brother. Maybe even his twin. Their resemblance is spot on.

But as he felt sure that the person in front of him is twin, he never felt any connection.

The person in front of him is a stranger.

_ "I hope you're not my brother. I resent every connection we have." _

Atsumu closed his eyes and let out a deep breath.

He wanted to go out.

He wanted to run away... to go somewhere that can make him feel like himself again.

"Atsumu...?"

He's not here.

"Atsumu...?"

He opened his eyes. 

There was a vast land with a cottage in the middle. 

_ "Atsumu-! Snap out of it, Atsumu! Please?!" _

Atsumu walked towards the cottage. He could smell the aroma of freshly baked pastries. 

_ "HELP! A- Atsumu please! Come... come back..." _

He smiled when he saw a young man emerging from the stone house. It was the same man he saw earlier; sharp facial features, black curls that almost cover his left eye, and his moles.

The curly haired man leaned against the door frame as he watched Atsumu walk towards him. "As much as I want to watch you walk closer to me, I would appreciate it if you walk quicker. The food's going to get cold."

"Coming, dear-" Atsumu replied as he walked faster. When he was about a few feet from the door, the distance between him and the man seemed to stretch. 

He was at the same spot when he first opened his eyes.

"What?" He asked, confused. He tried to speed up but the distance between him and the curly haired man kept going further.

He felt something warm on his shoulder. A sensation of someone's hand holding him. Atsumu suddenly felt he was being shook.

"I know you're in there Atsumu- please... come back to me, please?!" The voice pleaded as he continued to feel the warmth of someone's palm on his shoulder.

He looked at the cottage and the man standing in its entrance. 

The curly-haired man was still waiting for him. This time, his arms crossed against his chest as he was looking at Atsumu.

Atsumu wanted to call for the man but he couldn't. There was no voice coming out and mouthing words would do nothing so he stared. 

Then he closed his eyes and focused on the hand gripping his shoulder.

'Who are you?' was what Atsumu wanted to ask but he couldn't get himself to speak.

Not with a stranger.

Not with someone he cannot trust.

Not with his "brother".

He opened his eyes and found himself looking eye to eye with the man.

Fear and worry were evident in the man's face - Atsumu noticed. He just stared at him as the latter began asking his questions. 'Are you there, Tsumu?' 'What happened?' 'Did you see him again?'

‘Did you see him again?

_ "Do you even still recognize yourself?!" _

There are memories that play constantly in his mind. As if it was something that mocks him for his loss of others. If only Atsumu knew what happened. If he only had an idea on how and why did this happen to him, Atsumu would gladly recall everything.

The agony of longing for the memories stashed at the back of his mind is something Atsumu wished to get rid of. Whatever made him want to forget a huge chunk of himself must be too painful.

But there was nothing more excruciating than watching the people break as one tries to dream awake.

He raised his hand slowly. His hand was trembling horribly but he continued until he touched the man's face. 

Then he let out a deep breath.

His lip trembled.

"Atsumu..."

"W-who... are-are you?" Atsumu croaked.

"I'm your twin brother- Osamu. Do you recognize me, Tsum?"

"I-I... you're... you're my- you're my twin?" Atsumu questioned as he tried to stop his hand from trembling.

  
  


Osamu nodded. Desperately, he grabbed Atsumu's hands and squeezed it. "Ye-yes, Tsum. I am your twin brother. Don't you remember?"

He shook his head and looked down. Two years of solitude made him lose the significant parts of himself. Aside from the nameless curly haired man, Atsumu couldn't remember anything aside from the constant voices that played in his head.

He felt Osamu stilled. He didn't look up. Instead, Atsumu continued to play with his fingers as he felt Osamu slowly tear himself away from him. 

"You don't remember... me?" There was a hint of betrayal on the latter's voice. 

Atsumu looked up then he shook his head.

"But... you l-looked like- you look like me so... s-so I presume that we are- that we are somehow... re-re... rela- related."

He watched as Osamu leaned against the blank wall. Maybe his brother could tell him everything? After all, it was Osamu who kept showing up when his mother couldn't handle him.

Broken.

Lost.

Trapped in a mind that couldn't remember.

Osamu smiled, "yes. We are twins- you and I were always together before the war started..." his smile faltered and Atsumu watched as his brother's gaze turn towards the window. As if he remembered something.

"The war..."

The war.

The battle between the light and the dark. It was one of the things that Atsumu could remember: the light won. There was an endless celebration for their victory but Atsumu remembered he wasn't in any of it. He was there but he never celebrated with the people. 

He couldn't.

Because the war cost him something that made him be in this place.

Lost. 

Forgotten.

"O... Osamu?"

Osamu whipped his head back and looked at Atsumu. Eyes full of attention towards his brother who just started talking after months of total isolation.

When he felt his brother's eyes on him, Atsumu looked down again and began playing at the hem of his shirt. 

"Could you- could you tell me what happened?" He croaked, massaging his throat as it started to sting. Talking was still something Atsumu had to get accustomed to. "Could... co-could you tell me why I be-became like this?"

Apart from the accusations he often received when he went into trial, Atsumu cannot grasp the reason behind it. He wanted to find what made him put the whole muggle town under the imperius curse; and how he did it.

He was not a powerful wizard.

He was just a bookkeeper and a writer.

When his brother did not respond, Atsumu looked up and realized that Osamu was looking at him. Studying him. He looked like he was trying to read between the lines.

Maybe Atsumu was the type of wizard who's capable of casting an unforgivable?

_ "You have to mean it, Atsumu. It is pertinent to have a strong desire in order to cast the unforgivables." _

Atsumu blinked. And blinked. And blinked.

Impossible.

After Hogwarts, he decided to keep a low profile; he wanted to stay out of the spotlight because he didn't want to be compared to his father and brother.

The last link to the ancient and dark clan of Miyas and his secret heir.

Atsumu never wanted to be known by his status.

So he chose to be a normal wizard. He went home and kept his head low. Less honorary deeds, less attention from the public.

He kept himself invisible.

It was better at least for him.

"I don't know if it would be best for you to know all the things that happened before, Atsumu. Especially not now that you're just starting to have a grasp of the reality." 

Atsumu nodded, reluctantly. He knew that asking such a thing would be fruitless but it was worth a try. 

He walked towards the window and leaned against the cool glass. Atsumu sighed as he looked at the beautiful flower garden outside. His mother decided to turn their vast backyard into beds of flowers when he and Osamu went to Hogwarts. He remembered her explaining that it was the only thing that could make her forget about her worries. Temporarily.

People do things to divert their attention from the awful feeling of being lonely. Whether it was a good diversion or not, it was in the nature of people to avoid solitude for a long period of time.

Nobody wanted to be alone. Not even Atsumu.

"The ministry has asked me to report about you, Tsum," stated Osamu.

He looked at his twin brother blankly. Of course, the only reason Osamu would be here was to either check him on behalf of their mother and the ministry of magic.

Atsumu had done wrong things in the eye of the wizarding world. It was a crime but it was puzzling to think that he was never sent to Azkaban despite how heavy the accusations they have on him.

"When will it end?"

"What?"

Atsumu sighed then looked back at the flower beds outside. "When will these end? Are- are they even g-go... going to s- st... stop checking on… on m- me?"

Again, no response.

"I... I g- guess I'm also not a... allowed to know that too..." He looked down, letting his hair cover the majority of his face. He noticed Osamu took a step towards him so he turned back, fully facing the window. "Just... g- go."

Osamu sighed. 

“There are some potions here that you have to take after you eat. Please…” he paused. Then another sigh- this time, it was longer. Tired. “... Please don’t dump them into the sink, Atsumu. It’s the only thing that can help you get better…”

Because you’re not helping yourself.

_ “You deserve this because you never tried to help yourself. We did- I pleaded with you but you didn’t listen so you deserve-” _

Atsumu blinked.

He knew what Osamu meant. He was right- Atsumu didn’t have the drive to get better because there was no reason to. Getting better was far off the list.

It was never an option.

Not anymore.

Atsumu listened as Osamu left the room. His brother’s steps were careful- as if the loud clacks of his heels would hurt Atsumu. He can’t blame him- Atsumu became so comfortable with the silence that even the tiniest sound made him flinch. He was still wary of the sound but he knew he’s getting better.

He’s not frail.

He was just deprived of sensations.

Deprived to the brink of breaking point.

Isolation damaged him. But Atsumu was sure that he destroyed himself long before he punished himself with total isolation.

He touched the glass and savored the coldness of it. The freezing cold of winter was almost gone and Atsumu realized that he needed it- he was craving for the extreme cold because it helped him feel.

It sort of reminded him of the tiny world he created.

An alternate reality wherein he was incapable of feeling pain. It was a world full of dreams- A place he knew he could live in temporarily.

A world that only existed in his mind.

An illusion created to combat the harsh reality of losing someone- of something so important. Whatever it was, Atsumu was sure he could never remember it.

The world ripped it out of him before he could even process it.

Before Atsumu could even forgive himself.

_ Sadness never fails to bring out the worst of people. _

Regret.

He closed his eyes to prevent the tears from escaping. It was starting to sting but he kept it close because he didn’t want to cry. Atsumu had already shed a lot of tears to last him a lifetime. 

He’s tired of crying.

_ “Crying is always a good thing, darling. It only means that you are still capable of feeling-” _

Bullshit.

If he was younger, Atsumu would still hold unto his mother’s words. He used to- but as the world began to keep on getting darker and darker, lashing out through shedding tears became exhausting. It was enough.

He’s tired of being enveloped by sadness.

Letting himself slide down against the wall, Atsumu held his hair and yanked it angrily. 

He’s tired of not knowing who he was. Of what he’d done to be in this situation.

Trembling, closed his eyes and screamed.

|||

_ “I may be a powerful wizard and a well-praised writer and bookkeeper… I may be a huge fan of the fantastical world but I can assure you that I will never use my magic to create a world so real it could drive one into insanity…” _

_ “You don’t want to do this, Atsumu- I assure you this is not what-!” _

_ A young man... _

_ “Do you even recognize yourself?!” _

_ “Please- I… I beg you… Don’t do this- you will hurt them- DON’T!” _

... _ with sharp facial features…  _

_ “Are you aware that it is pertinent for a wizard to have a strong desire to cast an unforgivable…? You’re too weak- !” _

_ “When are you going to quit this idiotic charades?” _

_ “I love you, Atsumu- You and I against this world of chaos…” _

_...that were amplified by the jet black curly hair he sported... _

_ “I resent every fiber that ties me to you-” _

_ … and two distinct moles resting above his right eyebrow…  _

_ “My heart belongs to you and only you… Doesn’t matter if you leave because I know that this will only beat for you so go- !” _

_ Omi… Kiyo… omi…  _

_ There was a bright green flash that followed by a blood-curdling scream. It was Atsumu’s. _

_ ||| _

_ “Do you ever wonder how our lives would turn out if we never met?” _

_ “If given a chance to go back, will you warn yourself from me? From this?” _

**_When did it all start?_ **

**_Where did it all start to rot?_ **

|||

**PUTRIDUS**

**by caerozades**


End file.
